As promised, I’ve given some thought to Relic’s patch 2.600 after a few games and some perusing of GR.org’s balance forums. Overall, this is finally a return to form for Relic. Almost all of the balance changes reflect issues that were raised by the community based on high-level games and, in the case of bugs, repeatable evidence. The feedback on GR.org has mainly been positive, albeit with some sarcasm (see certificate I reposted from one GR.org forumer below). To me, the big issues in 2.502 were the Pak bug, the T17 being silly, Schimmwagen’s Scorch ability being absurd and the Infantry Halftrack’s wholly unnecessary suppression boost. All of these were fixed in 2.600.

This alone merits this certificate, which conveys pretty exactly my general feeling to Relic:

Competence is good.

That being said, here’s a more detailed breakdown of my reflections. As usual, I’ve listed only the most significant changes (in my opinion). Please visit www.gamereplays.org for a full list of patch notes.

Patch 2.600
Bug Fixes

• Cool-downs are now working properly for all weapons.

Always a good thing. I’m not 100% on which exact weapons weren’t cooling down properly, but I’d say the T17’s bizarre rate of fire is a good example.

• HMGs in buildings will now switch targets as intended; there is a 3.5 second delay before the hmg will fire at another target.

In my experience this is somewhat similar to how MGs worked before, they would suppress one squad, then target a second new squad and suppress it as well. However, this behavior was limited to squads within the same cone o fire, now this applies to squads moving to flank from another direction. The 3.5 second forces you to be tighter but I’m agnostic on whether this was needed. At least it works.

• Fixed an issue where Pak38s could stack their first-strike modifiers.

An outrageous, game-breaking bug that should never have happened. It better be fixed.

• Raised Panzerschreck squads preference to target Light Vehicles while garrisoned in buildings.

Makes sense in theory. I never noticed shrecks not targeting light vehicles; in any case you could tell the garrisoned squad what to target before 2.600 anyway.

Gameplay

• Improved the reliability and effectiveness of the American’s Strafing Run.

It feels pretty much the same to me, to be honest. I haven’t seen any incident where the P-47 would fully strike a squad but do no damage. Some amount of damage and suppression has always been inflicted in 2.600. But I’ve only had occasion to Strafe a few times so far. Need more time to wait and see.

• The T17 armored car’s damage output has been reduced.

It was silly before. Good job listening and watching the replays, Relic.

• Penetration of the T17 armored car has been reduced.

Unnecessary in my opinion. It still misses light vehicles more often than the M8, and against armored units like Ostwinds and Wirblewinds, a penetration nerf was unnecessary.

• The Panzer Elite’s Schwimmwagen Scorched Earth ability has been replaced with an “Incendiary Trap” ability.

Thanks be to God. As demonstrated in the most recent Battle Report, this is nigh-unstoppable. Malivos just got lazy and CharlesDarwin got focused.

• Infantry sections with Bren upgrades can now use ‘Button Enemy Vehicle’ when garrisoned inside a building.

I’m all in favor of consistency.

• Panzer Elite Infantry Halftrack suppression lowered.

This was the result of a bug, in my understanding. Not sure why it was placed under “Gameplay” issues by Relic. But it’s a good change.

Rifle NOT ready.

As promised, here are the last three tracks from the first volume of our COH audio strategy series, Mind of a Master. This concludes our special D-Day celebration, but fear not sports fans: World War II goes on year-round at Rifles Ready!

That being said, I apologize for the slow updates of late. Suffice it to say June is a really, really tough month at work with a lot of things happening at the same time — all of which I’m personally responsible for.

I am also aware that many of the topics in this last batch of tracks were addressed in the recently released patch 2.600 — my reaction on that in a later post. But there’s also a lot of other insight from Surprise so I think you’ll still get plenty out of these.

Expect that post, plus an interesting balance article from Surprise, in the coming days. There’s also a new Battle Report in the works featuring a really good up-and-coming player whose replays have gotten a lot of attention on GR.org.

Track 8: Controversial balance issues – The Strafing Run

Track 9: Controversial balance issues – Supertanks and British armor

Track 10: Controversial balance issues – MGs firing at multiple targets, Panzer Elite and end credits

[Click link above to download the actual replay]

Vrrrooooom! *makes sputtering propeller noises* rat-tat-tat-tat!

So there’ve been a few delays… you try ducking tornadoes while flying westward to the Mile-High City! Anyway, I’m now comfortably ensconced in my 12th floor hotel suite, typing away. This match is a timeless showcase of human mental perseverance. That said, I’ve watched it several times now and it’s clear that the opponent got lazy and careless, which contributed to the comeback.

That doesn’t change things as much as you might think. There was such a tidal wave built up that you can’t fault the guy for taking a breather and floating 800 manpower or so. Anyway, onward to the match.

The game is on Semois, and we’ve got CharlesDarwin, a seasoned and solid player, vs. Malivos, probably some smurf for some guy. Darwin goes for a Weapon Support Center (WSC) start, always risky but less so against the Panzer Elite and even less so on Semois. PE have a hard time countering garrisoned MGs without Mortar Halftracks and Semois lends itself well to MG strongpoints. So this isn’t as butt-in-the-air crazy as it may sound.

Malivos’ strategy becomes clear instantly. He picks Scorched Earth doctrine and sends his initial Schwimmwagen to Darwin’s bottleneck Strategic Point (SP) by the bridge. BAM! The point is destroyed, necessitating repair before it can be recaptured by either player.

Meanwhile, Darwin’s MG takes up position in the civilian building just below Malivos’ SP bridge. He sends a second MG to the hay bales by the +5 fuel point on the top half of Semois. They stop a few Panzer Grenadiers from advancing, but Malivos mainly chooses to avoid them. Darwin goes for a Sniper next, which is a great selling point for going WSC first against the PE.

Snipers are the best way for Americans to counter elite, heavy Axis infantry, including PGs and Wehrmacht Grenadiers and Knights Cross Holders. They’re particularly deadly against the PE’s three-man squads. They are NOT generally the best unit to use for repairing scorched points. But they certainly can, and Darwin takes the risk of doing so with his Sniper. Miraculously he is not butchered where he stands, but completes the repair. It’s interesting to note the Sniper can repair about as fast as a Rifle squad; there’s no disadvantage there to using a Sniper.

You have to wonder whether the guy is taking the game seriously with this kinda stuff; but I guess maybe Darwin figured it was unlikely for Malivos to attack a disabled point, and that if he kept a sharp eye out he’d be alright.

In any case, I’ll stop my second-guessing. I suppose I’d just feel really naked to have a 340 manpower unit sitting all by his lonesome doing repairs, which would cause him to take extra damage in the event of an attack.

But hardly is this point repaired than does Malivos’ Schimmwagen decap and scorch Darwin’s +10 fuel point. Each player has two jugular points on this map: the SP by their respective bridges, and their +10 fuels. Striking and holding either one can induce a fatal hemmorrhage. It’s at this juncture that Darwin begins bitching about PE “abuse.” I don’t wish to unduly inject my opinion, but the game is the game. You can’t expect players not to abuse broken game elements. It’s Relic’s fault, not your opponent’s. So Darwin needs to sit the fuck down, have a Coke and smile — aka DEAL WITH IT. Fortunately he manages to do the latter without breaking stride.

He sends his Engy in to begin restoring the point. But Darwin knows this is a stalling move. On Semois, where the fuel control is so even, you can only seriously hope to slow your opponent’s tech slightly by harrassing his fuel, because it’s easy to fight you off and your own fuel point is equally exposed.

Before Darwin can even decide on a next course of action, Malivos sends an Infantry Halftrack with two PGs directly into his base. As has been well-established, U.S. MG tents are vulnerable to small arms fire, unlike Wehrmacht bunkers. They also have a limited field of fire, unlike PE Flakvierlings. Darwin gets an MG back to his base in time to garrison his HQ, which on Semois, has enough line-of-sight to defend the left-most MG tent.

They're coming to pillage the village!

Darwin’s Sniper is very nearly hunted down at least three times by the Infantry HT, which keeps revealing his cloak but can’t turn quickly enough to fire at him.

A noobier player might have lost his nerve and simply retreated the Sniper, but Darwin keeps his cool and his Sniper cloaked. He manages to walk his Sniper calmly in unexpected directions, dodging a brutal death again and again. If you thought this guy liked playing his Sniper to the ever-dangerous precipice before, this kind of baiting game takes the cake and then some.

You bring the meat, the AC brings the cleaver.

By now Darwin has his Motorpool up and is building an AT gun. The gun crew pops out just soon enough to vaporize the engine-damaged Infantry HT.

Can I get a BAM, SON!?

Unfortunately, the crew takes aim at the charging AC, fires — and the shell strikes the hulk of the Infantry HT, which absorbs the damage. The AC flanks gun without a scratch and it’s GGs for three gun-wheeling GIs. If I were Darwin, I’d be saving up my stores of outrage for shit like this. Of course, even if the AT gun had hit the AC, it almost certainly would not have destroyed it. But it may have inflicted engine damage, enough for Engies and other units to finish it off.

Such is the price you pay for randomness in the game. Sometimes it’s on your side, sometimes it’s so against you it hurts. Think of it as a test of your patience and mettle. Only chumps would surrender to fate. Champs would only be encouraged to fight that much harder.

OK, pep talk over. Meanwhile, Darwin drops Paratroopers in the northern area of the map. Yes, I know those yellow arrows pointing downward don’t really do anything. It’s not like you can steer the parachutes, I know this. But what else was I supposed to mark up on that shot? Leave it alone, you say? Not when my mouse hand is going crazy to scribble yellow lines all over everything!

Meanwhile the bad news continues in the American base. Darwin’s second AT gun pops out and is instantly killed. Malivos sacrifices a PG squad to capture one of the AT guns, giving him serious anti-building firepower which he uses to destroy the U.S. Motorpool.

This is not good at all for Darwin. In fact, most observers would say it’s the beginning of the inevitable end for the army of freedom.

More Paratroopers rain from the sky; Darwin’s manpower reserves soar on account of his not being able to build anything in his base.

The graphics in the game still haven't gotten old for me.

By now Malivos is basically chilling. He sends his troops to methodically destroy all of Darwin’s base structures. In his base, he starts floating large amounts of manpower, not really doing anything with it. He also researches the Marder upgrade, wholly unnecessary given the lack of any armor coming from Darwin.

But let’s not starting digesting the game just yet. It ain’t over till the fat lady sings.

Darwin adapts, nay evolves his strategy. He garrisons the civilian structure overlooking his SP bridge with an MG and starts upgrading it to a Forward HQ. I’d have gone for something a little sturdier, like the massive church right beside this building, but to each his own. This building offers much better MG coverage of the crucial bridge SP and it has no blind spots, unlike the church.

With the Forward HQ up, Darwin starts building Riflemen to supplement his Paratroopers. As it turns out, the two Rifles he winds up training will prove critical in the next few skirmishes.

Up north, Darwin has his first Paratrooper squad harrassing Malivos’ +10 fuel point. The entire squad is slaughtered by MP44 PGs while Darwin wasn’t looking. Given the few units he has, there is just about no excuse for letting that happen.

Moments later, Darwin multiples his misfortune by losing his second Paratrooper squad, this time to hostile fire by the civilian building in the top left of the map, near the hay bales.

It’s a combination of an Armored Car and advancing PGs that does in our brave airborne soldiers.

Oh noes, General!

The MG garrisoning the building is also eliminated by the AC’s fast-firing cannon. It’s three very severe losses for Darwin, who was already on the ropes. If this didn’t put Malivos (or anyone in his position) in a festive mood, I dunno what will.

Actually, I do. His AC randomly runs into Darwin’s famous, Kraut-dodging Sniper and kills him almost as an afterthought. But wait, there’s more! At this point in the game, every single structure in the American base is toast, including the HQ, which reduces Darwin’s manpower income by 50%.

While he’s busy in Darwin’s base, Malivos finally gets careless and lets his second AC run randomly into Darwin’s garrisoned Forward HQ MG and Rifle squads. It gets peaced out with a minimum of fanfare. NOTE: As of patch 2.502, the MG window-switching delay bug is alive and well. Sometimes the MGs switch windows quickly enough so there’s no real impact; other times I have seen the MG basically never switch while enemy squads pour bullets through the opposite windows. Be careful when deploying garrisoned MGs.

OK. Now let’s review where we stand. To the left you see a complete list of all the units at Darwin’s disposal. He’s got an Engy, two Rifles and an MG. He can no longer drop Paratroopers because his HQ is toast. Arrayed against him is the army you see below.

More is good.

Now obviously the Flakvierling crews do not really count as part of Malivos’ army, but they do show up when you hover the cursor over his army “shield” icon. How can Malivos possibly lose with this? Let’s not forget, he also has access to Sector Artillery and will soon have Hummels. I will add a few caveats that are worth mentioning. Darwin has been far more aggressive with capping (most good U.S. players are, especially vs. a slow-capping PE army). As a result, he has a significant Victory Point (VP) advantage. Malivos actually says at this point “GG,” figuring that there’s no way in hell Darwin can come back from this. The remark isn’t insulting or even unreasonable given the situation, though you could also argue it was premature. Darwin goes ballistic over it. Sigh.

Moving on, Malivos gets a little bold and sends his troops at Darwin’s FHQ stronghold. Unfortunately a direct attack against Riflemen in green cover, who can reinforce from the FHQ, is not smart. Malivos kills a lot of Rifle squaddies, but fails to eliminate any squads and his light vehicles limp away with heavy damage.

Inviting targets.

Darwin is maximizing every last asset he has and recaptures one of his old 57mm AT guns from his base, recrewing it with Riflemen. This affords his FHQ a nice defensive setup, with an AT gun and MG guarding it.

Click to enlarge.

This building has its defensive advantages.

Meanwhile, he starts repairing his actual HQ building with an Engineer squad. Malivos plays rather conservatively, choosing to recapture territory and reverse his VP bleeding rather than teching up to Panzer IV infantry support tanks or renewing his attacks. He does attack the FHQ a few more times with his PGs and an AC, but the narrow angles of attack, combined with Darwin’s well-placed defenses, result in no real gains.

He slaughters two more entire squads of Rifles, which really shouldn’t have happened. Darwin has some difficulty with multi-tasking. But he’s got a plan, and the plan is simple: get a T17, ASAP. He manages to get his Motorpool up because Malivos focuses his assaults on the FHQ, not on the actual American base. This can be tricky for Malivos; he knows the FHQ is a perfectly attainable target, but he shouldn’t have neglected the real base. A Schwimmwagen could’ve checked on the status of the destroyed HQ.

By the time he realizes his mistake, the T-17 is in production and he desperately focuses all fire on it. Needless to say, he should be 90% of the way to the Panther Battlegroup by now, but it’s a lesson to all of us NOT TO SLACK OFF even when we have the upper hand. Good players come back when given half a chance. OK, I know, it was a tough mistake

Argh! Hans, speed up the guns!

And the T-17 bursts forth from the loins of the Motorpool like a rampaging bull and destroys both ACs. My God, is that Phosphorous Round good or what?

Ah, bright explosions. They make it all good.

Unfortunately Malivos has his captured 57mm AT gun in position and slaps that T-17 awfully good, twice. It gets peaced out and winds up a blackened ruin right on the American HQ’s doorstep. The T-17 is the perfect example of an unbalanced unit. Its single weakness (low health without veterancy) is astoundingly severe; its strengths (AT stun, high rate-of-fire and anti-infantry lethality) are outrageously good. There is absolutely no middle ground with this unit.

After this exchange, Malivos retreats his men to the strip of land just above the American HQ and begins repairing his damage vehicles with his PGs. Right at this time, Darwin gets enough Command Points for the Strafing Run. You know from the title banner of this Battle Report what’s coming next. Deva-fucking-station. Everything dies. Here’s a YouTube clip with some amusing musical accompaniment (partly because I still can’t get YouTube to preserve the audio in the Fraps videos I take).

This is probably far from the worst Strafing Run in COH history, or even in the brief history of patch 2.502. But it’s still pretty friggin’ bad. To the left you see the list of units in the path of the Strafing Run. These units are all lost after the P47 flies into the sunset.

Just to capture what it looked like from ground level, I offer the following carefully captured screens:

Ow...

Owwwww....

...AAARRGHH!

No, seriously, AAAAARRRR-WTF-GGGGHHH!

Seriously, use that scroll wheel on your mouse (or the good ol’ arrow keys on your keyboard if you don’t gots a scroll-y mouse) and flip through these shots fast. Tell me your eyes don’t start to bleed!

This is just about GGz, in my opinion. Malivos deploys a Marder to counter the inevitable additional T-17s, but it races to far to the front (God, I hate it when my Marders do that). Unsupported, the Marder has a very tragic encounter with a newly dropped Paratrooper squad that just finished getting its Recoilless Rifle package.

The game concludes with two T-17s racing into Malivos’ base and slaughtering every PG in sight.

Oh, the humanity.

I should note that this match saw some very nasty exchanges between two good players, which is very disappointing, in my opinion. At a really high skill level, you should know people will abuse shit regularly and you should know how to deal with it. As I reiterated earlier, it’s pretty childish to go nuts when the predictable bullshit hits you in your plump, cherubic cheek.

If you’re any good, you should’ve seen that coming. Getting pissed just makes you look like a whiny bitch. And when I say “you” I don’t necessarily mean Darwin — I’m talking about anybody. At least Darwin won in the end. Anyway, I’m done opinion-nating. Here’s the concluding breakdown.

CharlesDarwin
PROS:
- Great Sniper maneuvers early on, keeping him alive
- Effective MG placement/use throughout the game
- Great job capping territory and maintaining VP advantage
- Maintained decent resource parity with opponent despite getting points scorched early on
- Great mental stamina, fighting on with a solid plan despite very bad odds
- Extremely well-placed and well-timed Strafing Run

LUCKY SHIT FOR WHICH YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED:
- I don’t care if you have heat-seeking .50 cal bullets, there is no way in God’s name that the Strafing Run should’ve been as devastating as it was

CONS:
- Lost way too many squads because he wasn’t paying attention; total of four squads (including 2 Paras and 2 Rifles) melted by the enemy for no good reason, with minimal effort from Malivos
- Pretty shitty attitude for a good player to have

Malivos
PROS:
- Had an excellent strategy planned, and executed it flawlessly early on
- Pretty good squad survivability, though not perfect
- Very fast with ACs

LUCKY SHIT FOR WHICH YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED:
- You are so friggin’ lucky that 57mm AT shell hit the wreckage in front of your AC rather than the AC itself

CONS:
- Lost an AC and a Marder due to pure carelessness
- Failed to build Panzer IV infantry support tanks, which would’ve almost guaranteed victory
- Didn’t really use abilities like Booby Traps and Sector Artillery
- Got lazy and floated manpower; too confident of victory
- Ignored VPs for too long, even when he gained map control

As promised, the rain of fantastical content continues with three more tracks from the first volume of our Mind of a Master audio strategy series. I’m also planning to release the long-awaited Battle Report sometime today or very early tomorrow.

Just as a reminder, tomorrow I’m flying out to magical Denver, Colorado — the Mile-High City — to run a conference for my company. I’ll be back late Wednesday night. So, here’s hoping Surprise or someone else gets in a post to keep things hopping while I’m gone (hoping — hopping, get it?).

Track 5: American faction overview by Surprise

Track 6: American faction-specific counters

Track 7: Controversial balance issues, Blitzkrieg doctrine

A time for heroes...

Folks, it’s that time of year again. Today is June 5, 2009. Tomorrow will be June 6, the 65-year anniversary of D-Day. The day 150,000 Allied soldiers stormed the beaches of Normandy to end tyranny, free a continent and spawn a thousand film and video game adaptions of a climactic battle. It’s a special day to anyone who loves Company of Heroes or World War II games in general.

You'll like this.

To commemorate this occasion, I have decided with Surprise’s support to make ALL 10 tracks of our COH audio strategy series, Mind of a Master: Volume I, available on Rifles Ready! — free of charge.

Starting today and ending Sunday (D-Day +1), I will be posting several tracks daily for you to listen to.

The tracks will be playable via the native WordPress streaming audio applet (see below). Amazon.com is taking FOREVER to approve this MP3 album for download, and it’s a special time of year, so the hell with it. Please enjoy!

Tracks 1 and 2: Introduction to Surprise and his biography/A high-level overview of the state of COH

Track 3: Detailed Tales of Valor unit analysis

Track 4: Psychology and mind games in COH

The days go rolling by...

The second excuse is that work (real work) has been mounting, while my social life is starting to deplete my reserves of free time. I’ve also got to fly out to Denver, Colorado this coming weekend for a work-related conference. I guarantee the Battle Report will be done before I leave. Most likely I’ll post it sometime mid-week.

Meanwhile, Relic made a post on the status of retail patch 2.600 on May 20, but there hasn’t been much news since then. It’s mainly a bug patch, though the T17 is getting nerfed. Here are the highlights so far:

- Heavy Machine Guns. We will be introducing a fix to the current delay for an HMG switching windows when in a building and return proper operation for British emplacements and other units that were affected by patch 2.502.

This bug seems to affect American HMGs as well. You will notice this in the Battle Report I’ll post this week. It seems to cause the MG gunner not to relocate for as long as 7-8 seconds at a time, resulting in the MG getting slaughtered.

- Fix the Pak 38 camouflage stacking bonus modifier that increases the gun’s damage beyond the intended effect.

Pretty self-explanatory. It’s a pretty outrageous bug, but my old bones are weary from having yelled at Relic so many times for unimaginably stupid shit in the past.

- Commonly known as the ‘burst fire bug’, we will address an issue that allowed some units to ignore their weapon cooldowns.

I think this affects the Strafing Run primarily; again the Battle Report shows this off (though I think in that game, it didn’t really do anything that was ridiculously overpowered… you’ll see).

Once again, I apologize for my own delay and failure to keep promises, but real life just really seems to enjoy disrupting my time and motivation here. But fear not, sports fans — I’ll never give up on Rifles Ready! I intend to be absolutely Churchillian about keeping this blog alive. You can take that to the bank.

EPIC WINNARZ!

Alright folks, I’ve been having an awfully busy few days of work and real-life socializing, so I apologize for the paucity (now there’s an SAT word for ya!) of updates.

That being said, you and all sports fans are in for a major treat this weekend, in the form of the Battle Report of the century. Seldom have I found a replay so exciting, so astoundingly, so utterly unbelievable in the action, as this one. Our grumpy hero, one CharlesDarwin, squares off against Malivos, on the familiar stalking fields of Semois.

This is the first epic comeback of the Tales of Valor era. Both players spam some overpowered 2.502 BS, with the father of evolution favoring the highly evolved infantry-killing T17 and Malivos scorching points like its his job with his Schwimmwagen. There are heroic paratroopers who fall from the heavens and give the ultimate sacrifice, stalwart Panzer Grenadiers who fearlessly siege an Allied base, and as I said earlier, a comeback that will leave your teeth chattering with suspense.

Psyched yet? Well, you oughts to be. Stay tuned!

[Click link above to download the actual replay] 

TANK WARZ!

At long last, we have a Battle Report featuring the first new map of retail 2.502: Flooded Plains. On the one hand we have COH legend Sepha, playing as Wehrmacht; on the other, as the Americans, we have one Hamilton, whom I’m unfamiliar with.

Rest assured however, this is an excellent match. There’s a ton of infantry that reach elite status; there’s a King Tiger that goes out in a Bismarck-style blaze of glory; there’s artillery wiping out an entire Knights’ Cross squad in one hit, plus lots of dead Panzer IVs. Flooded Plains is still so new that both players are still sort of figuring it out. It’s an interesting map for two reasons: first, there are two high fuels, just like Angoville, and they’re close enough to each player that teching is quite quick. Second, the terrain and resources are quite evenly distributed.

Both players start by tacking toward their high fuels, which I suspect will pretty much be the default opening move on this map. Sepha moves next to secure what seems like a stronghold position at the top mid-region, but it becomes quickly evident that this area doesn’t favor MGs.

Decisions, decisions...

If you garrison the house, your MG can’t hit either the top Victory Point or the nearby Munitions point.

MGs can't cover either point.

If you deploy in the open, it’s tough to cover both discrete routes, which enemy infantry can easily take simultaneously in separate squads. Your best bet is to angle your MG so you cover the top route and much of the bottom.

Sepha is thwarted by Hamilton for precisely this reason; the Riflemen move in two directions, forcing him to keep shifting his MG. It may be a better idea to go for multiple Volksgrenadiers on this map; then again the high fuel income means BARs can come very quickly, devastating your Volks. It’ll be interesting to see how high-level play develops on this map. Sepha goes for an Axis Sniper instead; this is a common tactic for Wehrmacht on building-heavy maps like Semois, where Rifles frequently garrison buildings to hold ground.

If you can pick off enough Riflemen, you can justify the expense and risk of a Sniper. If you don’t kill enough men before losing your Sniper, you’ll have sacrificed time, manpower and capping power.

Sepha’s Sniper is off to a good start, but unbeknownst to him, Hamilton’s spare Engineer squad spends some time placing a mine.

It may seem random, but this is actually a pretty decent spot for a mine; hostile units crossing the stream downward will naturally veer off to the right to press on the top player’s territory.

If enemies are moving north, they’ll also wander into the vicinity of the mine.

It’s the latter action that proves most unfortunate for one Kraut Sniper. Losing a Sniper so early is quite devastating for Sepha; most players would move on, but our champ goes for Sniper #2. The logic remains the same: kill enough men to compensate for the loss of the first Sniper, then collect enough scalps to justify his own training.

This is generally not recommended, because you’ll need to be extremely careful with your Sniper to keep him alive long enough.

It’s a fair debate as to whether Sepha was simply experimenting around with his Snipers, or whether he felt this was the best way to advance the match in his favor.

Meanwhile, Hamilton dedicates significant time and effort to harrassing Sepha’s fuel point; however it should be pointed out that the high fuels are in big ponds of water.

Not only does this terrain offer no cover, it also greatly reduces the default movement speed of infantry. This doesn’t appear to affect how quickly they move in retreat. Another terrain feature that defines key areas of Flooded Plains are the irregular batches of hedgerow, which curve and surround important points.

This retangular outhouse covers the stream crossing, but only has one window facing the rear approach, and even that is blocked by the thick hedgerow.

Remember: Grenades can be thrown over hedgerows; a prime example is the length of hedgerow along the bottom of Angoville. It’s an old American trick to dislodge a garrisoned MG by tossing grenades over it and the same trick applies here.

Shortly thereafter, Sepha gets his money’s worth out of the MG, as it suppresses practically Hamilton’s entire army.

This area is frequently trafficked.

Moments later, Hamilton gets BARs. This proves unfortunate for Sepha’s Sniper #2, who is chased by one Rifle squad into a second. He’s cut down during the retreat. By now Hamilton has a comfortable fuel advantage thanks to better map control; in the early game he’s consistently proven himself better at capitalizing on the unfamiliar terrain.

Hamilton back-techs to a Weapons Support Center, going for his own Sniper. Sepha settles comfortably into a rather late Kreigsbarracks for the classic tier 2 Wehrmacht strategy.

Wehrmacht grenades aren't terribly dangerous, but they're still worth dodging.

But Sepha is just way too far behind; the standard American counters to vetted Grenadiers are BARs and a Sniper, but Hamilton has them before vanilla Grens materialize. The Sniper is unchallenged, with two fallen Kraut Snipers.

Make sure your Sniper has a clear sightline to MG squad members inside.

Unfortunately, as Hamilton moves down for an attack, his Rifles are suppressed before the MG can be eliminated via Sniper. Charging Volks force his Sniper to retreat and beat off the attack. The multiple retreats give Sepha the time to put up a defensive MG Bunker just north of the top stream crossing.

A sticky situation for the Yankees.

A Halftrack with a nice surprise that'll pop out when the Quad cannons emerge...

But Hamilton hasn’t been sitting still either. With BARs and a WSC already under his belt, he goes for a Motorpool and whips out a Quad Halftrack. One trick old-school American players like takes advantage of the lengthy Quad upgrade time. You stick Rifles in the halftrack as the upgrade progresses to get a free .50 cal gunner. This is a great trick to use with Flame Engineers; you time it so your Quad finishes right when you’re in the enemy base. The Quad fights off infantry, the Engies set demo charges and use their flamers to torch buildings. But I digress.

In the game at hand, Hamilton sends his Quad after Sepha’s bastion of strength. For whatever reason, the MG squad inside the Bunker fails to pivot to confront three Rifle squads moving from the bottom.

Which firing port, Hans??

By the time the Rifles are up close and personal, there’s only one MG squad member left. Fortunately for Sepha, he comes to his senses and starts blasting away. But alas, while several Riflemen are killed, Hamilton’s Quad arrives in time for them to start reinforcing and kills the MG squad.

Lead is seeping through the firing slits, Hans!

By now Hamilton has seen enough to help him decide that Infantry Company will be the best choice against Sepha. He places his Command Points and BAM, uses some of his ridiculous munitions reserve to drop Off-map Artillery on a random squad of Grenadiers, trying to capture a point.

Sepha is slow to react, but he actually does see it in time and starts moving his Grenadier squad downward, away from the initial artillery round. Sadly (or outrageously, depending on whose side you’re on) the next shell explodes south, wiping out the entire squad and leaving no corpses for his Medics to retrieve.

I generally don’t recommend using 150 munitions against a capping squad to test your opponent’s reflexes, but if you have hundreds of munitions and oodles of map control like Hamilton so far, I can’t blame you.

Just wait, however: things WILL turn around. Otherwise this wouldn’t be a Battle Report. But first, Hamilton shoots off another Off-map Artillery barrage, this time centered on that pesky Bunker, which Sepha has re-garrisoned. In my experience, this typically results in a fresh Bunker going down to about 10%-15% health, unless the opponent went Defensive and got the Bunker health bonus.

Hamilton gets even luckier. He has no idea if Sepha went Defensive or Terror (it’s the latter), but he burns off an Off-map barrage anyway just because he can afford it. It pays off because the shells all hit.

Not only do they all hit, but he comes up aces because Sepha doesn’t ungarrison his MG squad in time, resulting in a dead squad good for another -260 manpower. This is just too good to be true for Hamilton, but Sepha doesn’t waver (at least you can’t tell from his gameplay or micro).

He continues the resistance, gathering his Grenadiers and lone cloaked Pak 38 in an attempt to catch Hamilton’s BAR Rifle/Quad/Sniper army off guard.

Meanwhile Hamilton consolidates his lead, choosing to bypass a Tank Depot (he certainly has the resources) in favor of an on-map, in-base Howitzer.

 If there’s one thing this game showcases, it’s how utterly shitty Wehr grenades are. It’s not for no reason that Surprise refers to them disparagingly as “firecrackers.” I know how the argument goes — sometimes they’re randomly great! But they need to suck because they’re free, whereas American pineapple grenades incur an extremely high 40- fuel cost and are most effective early on, when fuel is most valuable. Check out the shot below. Now imagine if that was a pineapple grenade and those men were Panzer Grenadiers. I wish the balance design wasn’t so logically arbitrary.

I guess it's better than not having a grenade explode midstream...

The game finally starts tilting Sepha’s way when his cloaked Pak 38 rips Hamilton’s Quad a new one.

Bam, son, BAM!

It’s now early late-game (get it?) and Hamilton knows he can expect some tier 4 armor and probably a King Tiger (no Flak 88/For the Fatherland is a giveaway). He begins producing 57mm AT Guns. And this is where the tables turn. Somehow his AT guns are wholly and utterly out of position when Sepha’s TWO Ostwinds strike. 

Um, Sarge?

Most likely Hamilton just gave his army a move order. This is really dangerous when your AT guns are your only defense against fast-moving, high-damage output units like Ostwinds and Panzer IV Infantry Support Tanks. Which is like 90% of the time for Americans, unless you’ve got Tank Depot units.

In which case your opponents will probably never have built Ostwinds or P4 ISTs. So what happens when a good, attentive opponent catches your AT guns with their pants down? Well, you’re fucked, is what.

You get circle-strafed while desperately trying to turn your guns around while trying to get off a Sticky Bomb and maneuvering your Rangers.

Both 57mm AT guns are eliminated (though the guns themselves are not destroyed, an oversight on Sepha’s part because he forgets). Desperately Hamilton overruns the Pak 38 and tries turning THAT around, but it gets owned by the Ostwinds without getting off a single shot.

With that the tide turns, forcing Hamilton off the field long enough for Sepha to reclaim a lot of territory. It’s worth noting Sepha also has a significant VP advantage, mainly because he emphasized them while Hamilton did not. The tier 4 units continue pouring out of Sepha’s Panzer Kommand, with a Knights Cross squad joining his Ostwind. And then comes the Howitzer Shell of the Century.

Oh snaps, Hans, is that--

Yes it freaking was.

If God has any say on the trajectories of inbound artillery shells, it clear whose side he was on this game.

Finally, Sepha’s anger is roused and he sends his freshly called-in King Tiger and surviving Ostwind directly into Hamilton’s base to eliminate the Howitzer.

OMG he's in ur base killin' ur mans!

Unfortunately Hamilton’s Rifles retreat back to base in time to land just one measly little Sticky Bomb on the King Tiger. Owing to his huge resource reserves, Hamilton actually had teched to a Tank Depot during his down time and sends an M10 after the Ostwind, which is destroyed in rapid fashion.

Lawlz he made ur d00ds fly and they prob didn't wanna

What follows is an absolutely edge-of-your-seat cat-and-mouse game wherein Hamilton throws every last man, woman and child he has against the limping King Tiger while Sepha strains his very bowels to urge his armored monster toward freedom.

The hunter becomes the hunted...

There’s an obligatory ring-around-the-impenetrable-game-world-object minigame between the damaged M10 and the King Tiger. It ends predictably, with the M10 careening wildly to its doom, though not without getting a defiant shot off.

Hamilton’s vetted Rifles and Rangers get nearly close enough to land more crippling shots, but are sent packing by a well-timed storm of Nazi pamphlets denouncing capitalism and private enterprise that descend from the very heavens.

The King Tiger manages to elude pursuit long enough for a Pioneer squad to reach it and begin repairs near a civilian building.

Hamilton doesn’t stop and chases — that’s right, chases – after the supertank with a 57mm crew.

While this may defy real-world logic, you should always send AT guns after tanks, even if they’re not limping. It’s shocking how effective it is, because your opponents often retreat their tanks to a set point and then stop, not realizing your guns are following and can still fire from range.

Anyway, here Sepha manages to crawl his tank toward the other side of the building, cleverly using it to block the AT crew’s line-of-sight while sending a Grenadier squad after the AT gun. Hamilton parries by sending a BAR Rifle squad after the Grenadiers.

Parry after parry!

In the end the AT gun is overrun and infantry fight each other to a standstill while Hamilton races his Ranger squad after the King Tiger. He runs them to the rear of the tank for a weak armor shot.

Remember: Be careful when running infantry to the back of a tank for a rear-armor shot. Your men are very susceptible to being run over by a smart tank player.

Fortunately Hamilton is on top of his game and manages to get in a pair of rear-armor bazooka rounds, ending the King Tiger’s reign of terror.

His boys go home with a vet 2 promotion from vet 0, a pretty sweet promotion for an elite infantry squad.

A Firestorm dropped just behind the King Tiger as it limped away could’ve been effective at forestalling a last-ditch infantry attack, if it was well-timed. But of course this is all theorycraft.

Without his King Tiger, Sepha relies more and more on his tier 4 and manages to produce — and lose — an impressive number of Panzer IVs and Knights Cross Holders. By my count, it was four of the former and two of the latter (though the Howitzer Shell from God was partly responsible).

Hamilton’s good luck doesn’t run out, either. He gets some more crazy lucky shit, which you can see in detail if you watch the replay and look for it.

I thought AT weapons were done doing that.

At one point, after vetted BAR Rifles own multiple KCH, Sepha asks Hamilton if KCHs got nerfed. I don’t believe they did, and I know they didn’t in the documented changes. It’s more a function of Sepha’s vet 2 KCH facing vet 2/3 BAR Rifles, including one Rifle with a captured LMG-42 and an elite, Thompson-toting Ranger squad.

More medals than men.

Sepha tries to make a last-minute stand for VPs, but by now his once-formidable VP advantage has disappeared and he’s unable to budge Hamilton’s ticker below 14. It’s GG, though it’s amazing how many standout squads there were this game, particularly on the American side.

League of extraordinary Riflemen.

Sepha had one Grenadier squad that personally slaughtered nearly 30 Rifles and Rangers. He never did get the fuel to reach vet 3 infantry, which is unfortunate. Vet 3 on his KCHs could’ve made a big difference. But really Sepha lost this game early on, when he took huge hits and never inflicted enough in return, even with a brilliant tier 4 coup and a moment’s worth of lazy calculations on Hamilton’s part.

Sepha
PROS:
- Rarely got flustered, even in the face of heavy losses
- Engineered a brilliant comeback, calmly teching to tier 4
- Saw an opportunity present itself and seized it gloriously, destroying two AT guns and large numbers of enemy infantry, turning the tables
- Good use of Propaganda War

STUPID SHIT FOR WHICH YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED:
- Played roulette by building two unneeded Snipers in the early game, then losing them

CONS:
- See above regarding Axis Snipers
- Poor use of grenades; they were being dodged so you need to stay one step ahead to land them
- Poor grasp of terrain, realizing too late that certain points were too difficult to defend
- Failed to exit MG when Bunker was under fatal artillery fire
- Randomly dropped a V1 (watch replay; it was random I didn’t bother mentioning it)
- Careless with Panzer IVs in the late game
- Failed to support base push against Howitzer with infantry, which could’ve saved the King Tiger

Hamilton
PROS:
- Amazingly good infantry survivability, nursing four squads to elite/near-elite status
- Consistently dodged most grenades
- Early on, seized the advantage by maximizing use of Flooded Plains’ linear terrain
- Effective fuel harrassment yielded massive fuel advantage, permitting the purchase of early BARs, early Triage Center, back-tech to WSC without slowing Motorpool, Tank Depot even Supply Depot upgrades
- Excellent, determined use of infantry to kill King Tiger

LUCKY SHIT FOR WHICH YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED:
- Almost too many to list
- Amazing, Sniper-seeking mine that kills Kraut Sniper five minutes into the match
- Two absurdly lucky Off-map Artillery barrages that killed one Grenadier squad outright, one Bunker and one MG squad
- Once-in-a-lifetime, God-assisted Howitzer shell that destroys an entire full-health Knights Cross squad instantly

CONS:
- Lost the M10 when it could’ve retreated safely and been repaired
- Asleep at the wheel, drunk on confidence which resulted in a total disaster, losing two AT guns and lots of squad members
- Late researching Sticky Bombs

Sexy womens not included

First off, quick update on the next Battle Report: it’ll come tomorrow, I promise and pinky-swear on it. But first — the titular review!

If you’re ever stuck on a business trip somewhere with just a laptop and wi-fi (though these days you’ve got a slew of other options like smart phones and PSPs), whaddya do to pass the time?

You can’t play COH, or any other serious RTS. You’re left with a wide assortment of Flash, Shockwave or Java-powered games. Here’s my recommendation: get your blood pumping with some online Blackjack or roulette.

Feelin' like Vegas yet?

You can find an entire lineup of applet-powered casino games at www.888.com, though my favorite offerings are free roulette and free Blackjack.

There’s an awful lot of free, applet-powered casino games, but 888 separates itself from the pack by pretty much the slickest, quickest and most ad-free. There’s an awful lot of smart phones, but none can match Apple’s iPhone in terms design elegance and pure slickness. There’s a whole lot of hack & slash RPGs and overhead RTS games, but Blizzard continues to stand out by having the best-of-class titles in both genres. And the same applies to 888.

And let’s underline the second-best thing. It’s all ad-free. That’s right, ADVERTISEMENT-FREE. No spam, pop-ups or adware or spyware. Just look at that little angelic stick figure!

I support this movement and so should you!

Having played through these games quite a few times, I can assure you it is indeed true. And this from a guy who has Windows Defender and AVG running 24/7 in the background.

Every game is easy to play and very straight-forward; the graphics are crisp and clean the sound effects are simple and remind you of the casino. All you need is a sexy blond in a slinky dress on your arm, and a martini in your hand, and you’re practically James Bond in Casino Royale.

That could be real money if you were a bettin' man.

Rest easy: If you don’t have Bond’s skills with the dice, or if you’re totally clueless, 888.com has an entire section dedicated to tutorials for each game. It’s a great way to learn them.

Heavyweights test new waters!

There’s a thrilling new Battle Report that awaits you this weekend, featuring the highest-rated replay on GR.org — an epic showdown between Sepha and Hamilton on the new, unproven killing field of Flooded Plains. Presumably the map is meant to capture the low-lying terrain of France, which the Nazis designed to be floodable in order to cripple air-dropped troops and slow enemy advances.

Also shortly up will be a review of some online casino games. Random, you say? Maybe, but a wealthy patron of the arts is providing funding to Rifles Ready! for reviewing www.888.com and I do enjoy a good gamble every now and again.

So stay tuned… great things are just ’round the corner.