More of the good stuff…

As promised, the rain of fantastical content continues with three more tracks from the first volume of our Mind of a Master audio strategy series. I’m also planning to release the long-awaited Battle Report sometime today or very early tomorrow.

Just as a reminder, tomorrow I’m flying out to magical Denver, Colorado — the Mile-High City — to run a conference for my company. I’ll be back late Wednesday night. So, here’s hoping Surprise or someone else gets in a post to keep things hopping while I’m gone (hoping — hopping, get it?).

Track 5: American faction overview by Surprise

Track 6: American faction-specific counters

Track 7: Controversial balance issues, Blitzkrieg doctrine

On upcoming patch 2.600 and delays

The days go rolling by...

Alright, so the Battle Report I promised has yet to materialize. There’s a couple of reasons, one of which is some kind of Fraps bug that is preventing sounds from being converted when I upload gameplay video clips to YouTube. Extremely annoying, because I had no problems with this until recently.

The second excuse is that work (real work) has been mounting, while my social life is starting to deplete my reserves of free time. I’ve also got to fly out to Denver, Colorado this coming weekend for a work-related conference. I guarantee the Battle Report will be done before I leave. Most likely I’ll post it sometime mid-week.

Meanwhile, Relic made a post on the status of retail patch 2.600 on May 20, but there hasn’t been much news since then. It’s mainly a bug patch, though the T17 is getting nerfed. Here are the highlights so far:

- Heavy Machine Guns. We will be introducing a fix to the current delay for an HMG switching windows when in a building and return proper operation for British emplacements and other units that were affected by patch 2.502.

This bug seems to affect American HMGs as well. You will notice this in the Battle Report I’ll post this week. It seems to cause the MG gunner not to relocate for as long as 7-8 seconds at a time, resulting in the MG getting slaughtered.

- Fix the Pak 38 camouflage stacking bonus modifier that increases the gun’s damage beyond the intended effect.

Pretty self-explanatory. It’s a pretty outrageous bug, but my old bones are weary from having yelled at Relic so many times for unimaginably stupid shit in the past.

- Commonly known as the ‘burst fire bug’, we will address an issue that allowed some units to ignore their weapon cooldowns.

I think this affects the Strafing Run primarily; again the Battle Report shows this off (though I think in that game, it didn’t really do anything that was ridiculously overpowered… you’ll see).

Once again, I apologize for my own delay and failure to keep promises, but real life just really seems to enjoy disrupting my time and motivation here. But fear not, sports fans — I’ll never give up on Rifles Ready! I intend to be absolutely Churchillian about keeping this blog alive. You can take that to the bank.

This weekend: OMG. Biggest. Comeback. EVAR.

EPIC WINNARZ!

Alright folks, I’ve been having an awfully busy few days of work and real-life socializing, so I apologize for the paucity (now there’s an SAT word for ya!) of updates.

That being said, you and all sports fans are in for a major treat this weekend, in the form of the Battle Report of the century. Seldom have I found a replay so exciting, so astoundingly, so utterly unbelievable in the action, as this one. Our grumpy hero, one CharlesDarwin, squares off against Malivos, on the familiar stalking fields of Semois.

This is the first epic comeback of the Tales of Valor era. Both players spam some overpowered 2.502 BS, with the father of evolution favoring the highly evolved infantry-killing T17 and Malivos scorching points like its his job with his Schwimmwagen. There are heroic paratroopers who fall from the heavens and give the ultimate sacrifice, stalwart Panzer Grenadiers who fearlessly siege an Allied base, and as I said earlier, a comeback that will leave your teeth chattering with suspense.

Psyched yet? Well, you oughts to be. Stay tuned!

Site Update: This weekend will be hot…

Heavyweights test new waters!

There’s a thrilling new Battle Report that awaits you this weekend, featuring the highest-rated replay on GR.org — an epic showdown between Sepha and Hamilton on the new, unproven killing field of Flooded Plains. Presumably the map is meant to capture the low-lying terrain of France, which the Nazis designed to be floodable in order to cripple air-dropped troops and slow enemy advances.

Also shortly up will be a review of some online casino games. Random, you say? Maybe, but a wealthy patron of the arts is providing funding to Rifles Ready! for reviewing www.888.com and I do enjoy a good gamble every now and again.

So stay tuned… great things are just ’round the corner.

Amazon.com delays will be likely

When it doesn't make you smile

I’ve just learned that Amazon.com will likely require another 10-12 business days to approve Volume I of our COH audio strategy series, Mind of a Master. Most disappointing. But rest assured, sports fans — I’ll continue to tease bits and pieces of this thrilling MP3 album in Battle Reports and other media on the blog. Just see the latest Battle Report for a taste.

In the meantime, you can expect additional Battle Reports and perhaps some tips and balance commentary. Specifically, I’m looking at doing our first report on one of the new Tales of Valor maps. Meanwhile, the jury is still out on patch 2.502 and it’s not clear exactly how seismic a change patch 2.503 will bring.

Mind of a Master coming soon

All the cool kids will buy it. Don't you wanna be a cool kid?

My humblest apologies, folks — it turns out the Amazon.com MP3 seller process is more complicated and time-consuming than I had assumed. First they have to review the tape, to make sure Surprise and I don’t swear like sailors throughout (hint: we don’t). Then they’ve got to approve our album art, resample and recompress our MP3s and onward, in this vein. But I’m confident all will be done by the end of next week, and in all likelihood, sooner than that. In the meantime I hope the cover art above (click to enlarge) will tide you over. There’s a black & white version available as well.

Stay tuned this weekend for our first 2.502 Battle Report! Really when I started writing them I had no idea they would become our bread & butter. But I’m glad they have… it’s just that they’re time-consuming. First I’ve gotta pick a great replay, then watch it and take notes, then watch it again and take screenshots, then watch it a third time to get video clips for YouTube. Then I’ve gotta manually edit and mark up each screenshot, resize them, and only then do I actually start writing the analysis and commentary online. Then I have to insert all the images, make sure they wrap properly around the text, write up captions for every one, and upload the replay on Mediafire and link to it.

You can see that takes awhile . But I’m grateful for your patience and trust me — the next Battle Report and Volume I of Mind of a Master will be worth every minute of waiting.

Site Update: Something cool is coming

Sorry for the slow pace at Rifles Ready!, but Surprise and I are working on something cool and unprecedented here for next week. This weekend you can expect a new Advanced Tip, plus a preview of what’s to come next week.

I’m also hoping, key word “hoping,” to sneak in a new Battle Report based on 2.501. So stay tuned, sports fans! Patience is rewarded in life and on this blog!

Tales of Valor on its way

My copy of COH: Tales of Valor will soon be speeding to my house (as quickly as free Amazon.com shipping moves, that is). And so you may expect, dear readers, a comprehensive, unbiased review of the expansion right here on Rifles Ready! I really don’t know what to expect with this expansion. There aren’t any real “new” units, so to speak. There are units that replace existing ones and feel slightly different in flavor. But I withhold final judgement until I play the game, of course.

Also to come later this week will be the next installment of Surprise’s WCG series. I know, you all have been beside yourselves to hear more from that grand old sensei of COH.

Beta ends; 2.400 goes retail

Mr. La Forge, why don't we have warp speed?

It’s ironic Relic chose to release 2.400 to retail on the eve of April Fool’s Day. After such a long wait, many of you may be asking yourselves, “is this for real?” Indeed, GR.org pushed home this very point with its April 1 shenanigan, which features everyone’s favorite bald Starfleet officer. Let it be known that reporters are never fooled by April Fool’s Day jokes, of course.

In fact, I’m taking this occasion to declare that Rifles Ready! has and always will be a shining beacon of light and truth – and as such I will never attempt to con you with some scandalous, obviously untrue, screamingly fake falsehood.

In unrelated news, I just landed a date with this chick. She called and said “Corkscrew, I love your blog. I read your last Battle Report and I just about had an orgasm when I read the part about the Strafing Run and the P47 flying over the ground like an avenging angel. You are sooo poetic for a COH player. I wanna have your babies.” Seriously, she said that. I’ve got the number she called me from on my cell phone.

Speaking of Battle Reports and the sexy A-list babes who love them, the release of 2.400 means you probably won’t wanna watch the replay of my upcoming Battle Report — it’s for a 2.301 match. Still, I plan to finishing writing it up and I’ll post it by Saturday. I already spent hours taking screen captures and editing them, so I’m not about to waste all that effort. I get the feeling most folks rarely watch the replay in full, anyway. In the future I’m considering doing a podcast-style audio that can stream on WordPress to accompany the text-and-screenshot Battle Reports. They say I have a good speaking voice, so I’ll work on this project in my spare time.

Remember to read my reaction to key 2.400 changes in this post.

Tax time

The U.S. government sucked in 2008. I want my money back.

It’s that time of year again, folks — time to pay Uncle Sam what you owe for one dreadful year of governance. Taxes become infinitely more complex for a year in which you’ve bought a house with help from your parents.

That’s basically my problem. So this week and weekend, taxes are my mission. That said, you can expect more great things to come at Rifles Ready! Specifically, there’s another Battle Report brewing, this time featuring one of the most unique matches I have ever seen, between Zerocrack and Kodachrome (playing as SweetLorraine).

It’s a battle in which both players lay down tons of barbed wire, sandbags and other defenses while shelling each other to death from afar with artillery, sieging each other’s bases with tanks and Flak 88s, and lotsa craziness.

Also, everyone’s favorite COH guru, Surprise, has continued writing his series about the WCG tournament and how it’s shaped his gaming style and discipline. We’ll continue releasing it in a series of posts, probably with two or three more segments to come.

So stay tuned and patient, sports fans! Good things come to those who wait!